Phone Dating 101

As a general rule, I hate talking on the phone. Maybe that's why I'm a scientist with a job that allows me to leave my office phone untouched for days. Luckily, the four people I have on speed dial on my cell have been patient about the fact that, while I enjoy speaking to them, I just don't call often enough.

To reap the full benefits of online dating, I've had to face my phone aversion - because sometimes it just makes sense to speak before meeting up. Although maybe my soulmate is a dude who will just write me long, entertaining emails and engage in witty text banter. Ah, if only.

If any boys were reading this, I'd present them with the following advice when calling a girl for the first time - whether they met online, in a bar, were set up by a friend, whatever:

1. If you've never conversed before and you say you're going to call, then CALL. Don't start a text convo. The only acceptable texts at this point are "Hey, are you busy or can I call now?" or "I'm just finishing up dinner but will give you a buzz at 8."
2. Don't call while you're driving, killing time at an airport, grocery shopping, or doing something else otherwise distracting.
3. E-nun-ci-ate.
   
4. Share equal responsibility for filling up the dreaded but inevitable awkward pauses.
5. Don't fill up awkward pauses with inane questions like "Sooo, what's going on?"
6. Don't make fun of the girl unless it's very, very clear that you're being flirtatious.
7. If you want to meet up or talk again, then say so before hanging up.
8. Listen. Did you know that if you repeat the same question twice in one conversation, it kind of shows the other person that you have no idea what they've been saying? It's true.