Intro-what?

It seems introversion is a hot topic lately.  Society is starting to realize an introverted person isn't actually shy, socially inept, or inadequate in any way.  The person simply draws energy from different sources than extroverts do.  Often, the person is also a great listener, thinker, and collaborator.

I recently finished reading Quiet:  The Power of Introversion in a World That Can't Stop Talking.  A coworker was talking about the book when I said "Ooh, I need to read that."  Her reply was, "You?  Why?"  It amused me that I had her fooled into thinking I'm an extrovert.  The book actually addresses this.  It explains that introverts are sometimes heads of Student Council or PTO, or they are talkative and able to sell ideas on the job - this sounds counter intuitive, but it comes from passion.  If an introvert is passionate about something, he/she can easily act as an extrovert.  However, some quiet alone time will also be necessary to balance this out and re-energize.

The idea of quiet alone time seems to be getting more acceptable with age.  I have friends who will say no to Friday night plans because they'd rather be at home alone, and I sometimes do this too.  It doesn't imply depression, and it's certainly more accepted than it was in our 20s.  We introverts are overstimulated all week by speaking up at meetings, making small talk, and sitting in shared spaces, so sometimes we just need to avoid people altogether.

Don't get me wrong; I admire and often envy extroverts.  I'm just glad that the word is out that it's ok if you prefer to express yourself in writing, and you don't like to talk about yourself, and you'd rather have a few friends than a ton.  I recommend this book to any fellow introverts.  It won't change your world, but like Lean In, it will give you a lot of "Holy crap, I'm not the only one who does/thinks that?!"  moments.  I don't recommend the author's TED talk though; from the few minutes I watched, it sounded like she was complaining rather than explaining.

On another note, The Rosie Project is also a great book.  It's a love story overall, but it's also a really interesting insight into the mind of someone with Asperger's.

Hip to Be Square

I was recently a programming chair for a conference themed "Dare to Be You."  Initially, I was blindly inspired by that phrase without thinking about how it applied to me.  When I did, however, I was confused.  As a kid I always followed rules, studied, and listened to my parents; as an adult, I've always worked in corporate America with a 401(k) and don't date wild and crazy people.  Am I someone who hasn't Dared to be Me since I've followed the beaten path?  The answer is no.  With all the changes in industry and society nowadays, it's easy to be convinced that being "real" means doing something outside of the norm.  For some of us, however, our passions and preferences just happen to be things that are sometimes unfairly judged as commonplace.

When I say I'm a chemical engineer, the response is often "Yawn.  You're Indian, therefore your parents forced you to be either an engineer or a doctor.  Way to break the mold."  They couldn't be more wrong.  I like science and math.  I like the industry in which I work.  If that's what I'm pursuing, isn't that similar to an artist practicing his/her craft?  I really admire my peers who have dropped everything to start non-profits that change the world.  I would gladly volunteer with them and support them.  However, it's not what I want for my career.

On to social situations.  As we get older, I more frequently hear "I'm tired of weddings and all the hype.  They're such a waste, what's the point, etc., etc.  I don't get why people have them."  I completely respect the fact that not everyone wants that; it's a very personal preference.  However, is it fair to judge those who do?  If I were to get married, I'd want a diamond and bachelorette party and a traditional ceremony with all my family/friends.  I would hate for some of them to sit there thinking about how stupid it is.

Back to my initial point.   I think that Daring to be Me means that I should embrace the fact that I want what I want for my life, regardless of how ordinary it may sound to others.  And I should embrace the fact that my short, klutzy, sassy, practical, food-loving, nail polish-obsessed self will pursue it.

A Week without Facebook

A week without Facebook sounds so silly when we think about people around the world that live without food, clothes, internet, etc.  

I typically take vacations as a reason to cyber-disconnect, however this year I thought about disconnecting early.  So last week, for no good reason, I decided to make it a challenge for myself.  I didn't know what to expect because I will openly admit that I'm addicted to Facebook, addicted to knowing what people are doing, what they like, where they are, what they're taking pictures of - all of it.  It's embarrassing, but step 1 is admittance.

So here we are on a Monday morning at 8:00 am where I make this decision.  And it was hard for a couple of day, especially when I found myself wanting to not get out of bed in the morning, my old pal Facebook wasn't an option.  Also not an option when I was in a long security line, nor when I was just bored or looking for a reason to procrastinate.

So, I found that I reached over for my Nook more and read before sleep when I was in a hotel room.  Who knew reading would help me sleep more soundly.  And you know what, the world did not end without Facebook.  I found out what was happening with good friends by talking and texting with them.

So this week has been interesting now that I'm off my Facebook ban.  And  I find that I don't reach for it as often.  I check it a couple times a day, but it's no longer that constantly open tab on my browser, nor is it the first thing I check each time I reach over for my phone.  I think I may try just giving up my iPhone for a weekend and see how that goes - this may be a test for a long weekend.

And even though I'm 31, I'm counting this on my 30 before 30 list :)

Thoughts on Women in Tech and Equality

I apologize in advance on my rambling in this post.  If this is to be my online diary and you choose to read it, then this is what you get :)  I also know everyone has their own opinions and perspectives, however these are mine.  I'm not attempting to start an argument, rather putting my thoughts on virtual paper.

Lately, I've been reading so many articles about women in tech.  From how women should behave to succeed to how they have been discriminated.  Being a woman in tech (a successful I would like to think), I don't really see a real truth in either side.  

One of the articles I read today, there was a woman complaining about her coworkers checking out a booth babe.  Now, I have coworkers that check out booth babes, good looking women in Starbucks while I'm with them...but by the same token, I'm commenting on the good looking guy that's walking by.   I feel that if I'm going to dish it out, I should also learn to take it.  I also believe going to an engineering school has taught me to have guy humor, no matter how gross or offensive - I think most guy things are funny.  Now, you can argue that there is a time/place for that - and I agree, work isn't always the right place.  However, if you're out in a dinner/drinks situation (which I usually am), then I think it becomes more of a social engagement.  Rather than focusing on women in tech being discriminated, shouldn't there be a larger argument?  If I don't feel offended with my guy friends making jokes or checking out girls, can I hold my coworkers at dinner at the same standard?

And I do agree, it's harder for women to juggle work and family life.  When most kids are sick, they want their mother.  How does a mother juggle that with working?  However, I lately feel like people (men more than women) judge me for not having children (I promise I'm not making this up, actual comments have been made).  In the interview with the Facebook COO, she clearly states that women shouldn't have to feel guilty to not put her kids to sleep or when she can't take them to their soccer games.  I've worked with many women who have done a great job of juggling both.  I also think it's important to lay those boundaries down (whether its with kids, family, leaving at 5 so you can see some sunshine) early.  I do feel like employers will respect you more.  Especially in this day and age, anything I do at 4, I can do at 9 pm, 6 am the next day.  As long as you can stay true to yourself and feel confident in your decision, that's the most important thing.

I decided to change my profile picture to the equality sign today.  I believe that everyone should have the same rights.  Also, as a scientist (okay now turned software consultant) I believe that being gay/straight is something that is part of your DNA, not something you choose.  I saw someone on Facebook turn her profile picture to the unequal sign, and I can't even express how much that pissed me off.  Who are we (as humans) to tell another human that they aren't equal to us?

I just can't get over how we're still arguing about civil rights, whether it's a man vs. woman, black vs whites, or gay rights - we're all people - don't we deserve the same rights?  

Ni Time

I consider myself part introvert and part extrovert.  As much as I enjoy socializing, I have to balance it out with some time during which I don't have to talk to anyone.  Since I live alone, it's not hard to find that time.  The hard part is disconnecting - at home, my habit is to simultaneously watch TV, gchat, facebook, check out my finances, etc., etc. so that I'm still somehow interacting with the world.

When I found that this past Saturday was entirely mine, with no set plans, I opted to spend the day in San Francisco by myself.  I frequent the city but always schedule it around meeting up with friends/family.  It was a lovely day that went something like this...

8am:  Woke up.  Cursed myself for waking up "early," then realized I had slept for almost 10 hours so it was ok.  Turned on MTV2 to watch Saved by the Bell (YES, it's on every Saturday morning!).

9am:  Rolled out of bed.  Talked to the fam on the phone and wrote some emails.

10am:  Got ready and headed out.

11am:  Hit up the Ferry Plaza Farmers Market.  Made a beeline for some Blue Bottle Coffee.  Got a whole wheat orange and currant scone (sadly, scuffins were sold out).  Sat down near the live music with a view of the Bay Bridge and had my breakfast.  **Note:  I'm too lazy to eat in restaurants alone unless traveling for work.  However, this kind of eating alone is totally doable.

12am:  Sampled fruit and chocolate around the market.  Scoped out the handmade goods.  Wandered over to the stores in the Embarcadero Center.

2pm:  Arrived at Zazen (randomly found through a bloomspot deal) an hour before my scheduled massage.  Opted for a free sonic massage.  This involved listening to a track of sounds for 45 minutes while lying on a water bed that sonicated in time with the track.

3pm:  Began my aromatherapy massage session.

4:30pm:  Left the spa, almost weak from relaxation.

In sum, my point is this:  Even if the only time that you can be alone is during your commute to work, during a nice long shower, or during those 10 minutes when the kids and/or husband are asleep, savor it.  It's kind of awesome.  And necessary.

Red Carpet Recap: SAG Awards

I broke my own tradition by being too lazy to post my Golden Globes picks this year.  I'm sure the whole blogosphere (and our 1.2 readers) were shaken by this.

On to my SAG red carpet faves, in no particular order...

Marion Cotillard in Dior Haute Couture.  Playful but elegant and a great color.

Sally Field in J. Mendel.  Such a flattering choice for her all-around.

Julianna Margulies in Chado Ralph Rucci.  Rocked it.

Last but not least,

Bradley Cooper in Tom Ford.  You're welcome, ladies.

Wow....We are Old?

Early 30's doesn't actually classify as old, especially when the median age in America is 37 (fun fact from "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" today).

However, in the past few months there have been some light-hearted comments and some serious events that terrify me and make me realize that we are getting older.  

Now, even though I've seen many friends marry and have children, somehow that doesn't make them old to me.  Maybe it's the fact that they are always willing to have a good time, or after a night of no sleep, their behavior reminds me of a time when they had one too many cocktails...or I had one too many...or we both did :)  For the most part, the ones that have had children are still "young" except with a new mini-me.

Here are some highlights that have sparked "woah - when did we get to be so old?"

• Conversation with a coworker in Vegas (after we got in for free after some name dropping but that's another story):  "What is happening here?  People just make out in clubs?  What would their moms think?"
• Conversation with N:  "I hate standing at bars, and I hate lines...and I hate having things spilled on my shoes.  Why is the music so loud?!"
• Conversation with myself:  "I am over push up bras...they make my back hurt"
• In the car with G, I will often times turn up the radio so I can dance around to catchy tunes (Hello Will.I.Am and Britney!) and sing along, G will quickly turn the radio down and say "if you want me to hear you, this needs to be at 3-4"
• My brother driving me around in my car.  (sidenote:  i was just learning to drive when he was born)
• Same brother's honor's biology (who also teaches AP anatomy) teacher was the assistant wrestling coach when N and I were mat girls in high school.  The teacher was also young enough to meet one of our high school peers when she was in college (he in grad school) and get engaged to her.
• Seeing friends go thru real events - like health scares, tumors, cancer, divorce.  
• Sitting with a Financial Planner and having a "real" retirement plan to execute on.  Good bye Ferragamo dreams made of calfskin.  

There are so many conversations and events that spark this "wow we're old" moment.  Except for the scary stuff, being "old" is better than being 19 and in college trying to figure out who I was.

Forget the serious stuff, what lighthearted things make you feel old?  Oh, did I also mention that I creak when I stand and my lower back always hurts after sleeping in beds that are not my own?

January Meet + Greet (inspired by yes and yes)

One of the blogs I read, yes and yes, is doing a monthly meet and greet where she answers three questions.  This is a cool way to keep things interesting and reminding me to blog at least once a month :)

The questions for this month include:

1. How are you going to make this year better than last year?
2. Tell us one you've-gotta-buy-this-right-now product you love.
3. Do you have a best friend? How did you meet him/her?

So let's get started!

Question 1:  How are you going to make this year better than last year?

This one is a hard one, as I've been thinking about it since the end of December 2012.  My main goal is to continue trimming the fat in my life.  Not only is this applicable to my waistline, this is also applicable to keeping people in my life that aren't good friends, tossing out old clothes and shoes that don't make me feel my best, and start cleaning out makeup and accessories that I'm not using.  Once I really remove the clutter, I will be able to focus on the people that make me happy and the products that I truly love.

Question 2:  Tell us one you've-gotta-buy-this-right-now product you love.

I've done many blogs specific to beauty products I can't live without.  I'm currently in love with the Gap Sherpa Popover that I purchased over the holidays.  It's the coziest sweatshirt and super soft.  I've told all my male coworkers to go purchase one for their lady friends ASAP.

Question 3:  Do you have a best friend?  How did you meet him/her?

Well, for anyone who reads this blog knows that Miss N is my best friend.  We met when we  were 5 years old, didn't become friends until the end of middle school (when we were both in band playing the flute) and then transitioned to best friends at the beginning of high school (when we both realized that two cool people such as ourselves needed to join forces).  We've gone thru so much of our lives together, and have so many more adventures to look forward to :)

Scary World

Lately, I feel like I've heard of different crimes, comments, and behaviors that trigger me to think how hard and scary it is to be a woman.  Didn't we already fight the civil rights movement in the 70's and proved that women deserved the same rights (which includes safety) as men?

Yesterday, I was at work and heard a story about a girl I personally know that freaked me out.  This girl drives her car to the train, and then takes the train to work.  The other day she was walking from the train to the car, which was across the street.  As she neared her car, she saw another car of 4 men following her.  Her instincts kicked in and she turned around, and walked back to the train station.  As soon as she turned around, one of the men jumped out of the car, grabbed her and told her she wasn't going anywhere.  He was reaching into his pocket, and she took the opportunity to run.**

She ran back to the train station with the man chasing her, and she finally found another man who offered to help by stalling the chaser, while she went to the police.  She found a policeman, escaped the original chaser and learned that in the past two weeks the same situation had happened to another woman, who was kidnapped, raped and beaten.

This story terrifies me.  This woman did all the "right" things, this incident happened in daylight, in a crowded environment and wasn't calling attention to herself.  The other part that terrifies me is that other strangers saw this incident happening and chose not to do anything about it.  When did we become a culture of ignoring our fellow man?  This poor girl is now terrified to be alone and doesn't want to leave her home.  What exactly did she do to deserve this?

Hearing this story in the US after the rape in India makes me truly believe this is a worldwide epidemic.  A good friend of our's uncle, wrote an amazing article about how India has let women down.  But I don't think we can only focus on India - the world has let women down.

We have politicians who feel like they can make decisions about our bodies and well being.  People who say that if you're impregnated thru rape, it's a blessing.  Women shouldn't wear jeans, as a way to stop tempting men.  A guru in India said that if the woman had asked God properly, the rape would have stopped. SERIOUSLY?!  PROPERLY?!

This is just sick.

And what kind of men have the thoughts of "today is a sunny day, maybe I'll rape a woman today."  

This is just a sad world we live in.

**I can't imagine running away from a bad guy with my work attired - laptop bags, purses, heels!  And the fact that no one helped is insane to me.  Even if you don't want to get involved, call 911!

A Glimpse Back to 2012

As 2012 wraps up and my favorite holiday (new years eve) approaches, I'm taking the chance to look back and highlight some fun times and words to sum up the year.

I must be honest, my main word to describe 2012 would have to be fast!  I can barely believe that a year has gone by from our last NYE.  I don't know if its the nonstop work activity or the fun filled wine tasting weekends, but I don't feel like I was truly in each moment this year, and therefore this year is a blur.

Some highlights of the year:

1.  Kayaking to the waterfall in Kauai.  I had always wanted to kayak, and standing under that cold waterfall, I couldn't imagine a better feeling.

2.  Mine and G$'s joint birthday celebration.  Even thought I wasn't super jazzed about my birthday like I normally am, I was SO excited to have our good friends around us with good wine.

3.  Even though some friendships changed for the worse, some new friendships were made and some old friendships became stronger.

4.  Impromptu date nights/walks/wine meetups with Miss N.  I continue to be amazed at how close we are in distance, and how easy these things can be!

5.  Seeing good friends have little ones and adding to their family.  This has been the year of the baby boys, with a girl sprinkled in there!  It's been great to see my friends start/add to their families.

Even though I can't add it to the list since it hasn't happened yet, I'm truly looking forward to our getaway to Santa Barbara with some good friends!

Happy New Year!  Until 2013.
xoxo
R

Thankful with R's Twist

I was inspired by N's last post, so I decided to do my own.  Like she mentions, health, family, friends, will not be a part of this post.  Rather this will focus on the small things that I'm really grateful for.  I will also not copy N's style and use any of her's (even if she got some of the good ones):

1.  Gluten free soy sauce (also known as Tamari) means I don't have to stop eating my favorite cuisine.

2.  Buying toileteries online means I don't go into Target and spend an hour and $100 without the soap I needed in the first place.

3. Wine clubs - Wine shipped to G's work, meaning I don't have to carry it in and we always have some aging in the wine cellar (aka scary closet, aka shoe closet, aka harry potter closet).  

4.  SoapNet allows me to watch old episodes of 90210 while I work from home and on weekend mornings.

5.  Spanx - enough said.

Happy Turkey Day!

On that note...

Here is a snippet of today's gchat-a-roni (which, btw, is pretty typical).

 R:  did u know our donuts are hostess?

 me:  NO, i just saw your post

mmmmm

donut

 R:  yummm

 me:  OMG

so no more coconut mini donuts

now i'm officially sad

like really

oh wait

little debbie has them

whew

 R:  phew

u never eat them anyway!

 me:  i like to know they're there

just like twinkies

 R:  yup

i would agree with that

i now want a swiss cake roll

me:  ME TOO

R's Thoughts on My 31st Birthday

With today being my birthday, I've been reflecting on this past year.  Up until Saturday, I was approaching my birthday with zero excitement.  Those of you who know me are probably in shock.  In fact, I was so unexcited that I shared the month of October with G$, which I never do either.

I had two great conversations this weekend - one with N and one with G$ regarding why I had so much anxiety about turning 31.  Both made me feel so much better, followed by a fantastic joint birthday celebration - I feel much better today.

So with that - here's what I've learned this year:

• Just because wine country is 50 miles away, it will take 2+ hours in the summer.
• It's okay to say goodbye to old friendships if they're not healthy.
• Getting platinum on Delta isn't as glamorous as one thinks - it just means you're gone a lot
• Carefully read the advil label to guarantee it is not advil pm.
• It is important to make 10 minutes of time to sit in the steam room post workout.
• Spanx are a girl's best friend - they do smooth out lines under dresses and pencil skirts.

And something I have always known and continuously reminded of is that I have the most amazing friends.

On a serious note...

The recent events in Libya are tragic.  I feel for those who were targeted and attacked, those who lost family members, those who have to live among violence every day, and those who have to figure out how to clean up this mess.  One of the main things that disturbs me is that it's another reminder of the prevalence of religious persecution.  Do we really still have to face this issue that's existed for centuries plus all of the new issues introduced by modern society?

Call me naive, but I just don't get it.  I don't get why people care about the religious affiliations of their neighbors or politicians or strangers on the other side of the world, as long as they aren't harming anyone.  If someone is an upstanding citizen who tries to do good for others, does motivation really matter?  Why should we care if his/her actions are induced by a desire to go to heaven, a desire to become a liberated soul through reincarnation, a desire to please ancient ancestors, or simply by upbringing and personal choices?

It's really difficult to separate religion from culture from moral code.  I really couldn't tell you which of those factors dictates individual decisions I make in my life.  I have a religion, but I don't live by each and every one of its principles, and I like to keep whatever I do or don't do private.  Unless asked, of course.  It's unfortunate when religious stereotypes prevent us from learning.  In fourth grade, a boy in my class asked if I attended church on Sundays.  When I said no, he announced to everyone that I was a devil worshiper.  They all agreed with him.  My 10-year-old self kept quiet but was furious.  Apparently, being well-behaved and doing volunteer work didn't count for anything - simply not going to a Christian church was enough to make me the devil's friend.  The sad part is that I can't blame this boy's comment on childhood ignorance.  I'm pretty sure he would think the same thing today.

Here's hoping for some change by the year 3012.

Election 2012

Disclaimer:  I typically don't post anything political or religous on my social networks.  However, this being our blog, I feel like I should be able to. Also, this isn't to start an argument, more simply to speak about how this election is different for me.

So this year is a different election year for me.  In the past, I didn't really pay as much attention to the difference conferences or battles.  But this year, 2012 is my FIRST election year.  And as a citizen and a type-A personality, I feel like I need to make a well informed decisions - one that's based on issues that I care about, rather than who I like better.  I will also try to forget that the first thing I heard out of Mitt Romney's mouth was about how women should stay home rather than work - but that's a different discussion for a different day.

I just took a quiz to factor different issues and see where I stand for the election.  Here are some thoughts.  It also sparked an interesting discussion with myself.

I believe in strict gun control.  I don't believe that the general population should have access to AK47s and other fighting rifles.  

I believe that it's a woman's right to choose.  Granted, I would like to see some framework around clinics being safe and clean, as well as rights for the girl.

I support stem cell research, and think it's a great way to cure/treat certain illnesses.  

Climate change - do we need more proof?  With the droughts, extreme rains causing flooding, high temperatures, low temperatures - the climate has been all over the place!  And the polar bears may become extinct - that makes me sad.

The Arizona immigration law makes me angry.  Being an immigrant, it really angers me that people can be taken to jail if they don't have their papers on them.  I have a friend who looks like an immigrant and her husband looks like an American - and it's the opposite of who would get arrested.

Healthcare - My dad is self-employed and my mom doesn't work.  Health insurance wasn't high on their priority list when they first moved to America and had a family/house/business to run.  It's barely a priority now.  It's crazy to think that we don't have a national plan in place for self employed families to take advantage of.  Besides, wasn't the American Dream part of people coming to the US and having options available to help build the country.  

Like everyone, it pains me to see 60% of some of my income go towards taxes.  When I was young, I thought we should just not have to pay those.  As I've gotten older, I realize that taxes provide the nice roads I like driving on, maintain the state parks I like hiking in,  ensure that teachers have the funds necessary to educate kids and that public officials have better benefits as they are putting their lives on the line for me each day.  In the past, I was fiscally very conservative, but I am growing up and starting to understand the benefits.

Enough seriousness.  I'm excited to see the events of the next few months and voting!

12 Things that Make R Happy

I was with my favorite client today and like our other meetings, the last 30 minutes ended up catching up on our lives.  Today the topic was centered around recently read books.  My client mentioned "The Happiness Project" which is written by a woman who has "first world problems" and centers each month around one thing that makes her happy.  It got me to thinking - I'd like to focus on 12 things that make me happy.

To me - being happy is completely relaxed without a worry in that moment.  I know living without worries is unrealistic, but for me these small moments of happiness make my day brighter and bring an overall sense of relaxation.

12.  Steam room:   There is nothing more I love after a workout (or even without a workout) than camping out in the steam room - no phone, no clock, complete silence.  And it makes me skin glow :)

11.  A good glass of wine:  Need I say more?  There is nothing that brings a smile to my face and pure relaxation than the first sniff of an amazing glass of wine.  Wines that have a sentimental value to them bring an extra warmness to me :)

10.  Pajamas:  elastic waistbands in pants or FLOOFY chemises - both are good with me.

9.  Having my hair washed by someone else.

8.  Laughing with friends - that good belly, fat man laugh - the kind that moms teach you not to do because its unladylike.

7.  A good homecooked meal - whether its by my mom, hubby, me, friends, in-laws - doesn't matter.

6.  Dance parties - this one is so fun, because you can be sober dancing in the mirror as you are getting ready, in a u-jam class, or enjoying a few drinks with friends dancing :)

5.  Champagne always makes me happy.  Especially champagne til 2:00 am on a school night giggling at the same jokes for the past 20 years....

4.  Ice cream cones - even though I can't eat them in "normal" places, nothing makes me happier than seeing an ice cream cone.

3.  Baby clothes - so many good friends are pregnant or have small children so I've become a regular in the baby departments - how cute are these little people clothing!

2.  Beach - the smell, the sound, the feel of the sand - its all amazing.

1.  G$ - well, he read this and requested to make it on the list ;)  

What I love most is sharing most of these things with good friends and family - they make these happy moments even better :)

What makes you happy?

R's First World Problems

In case you haven't heard of the phrase "first world problems," this definition will help.  In the past few days, I've realized that everything I complain about is a first world problem.  Here are some examples:

• Me to N:  "I'm so bummed we're only in Hawaii for 4 nights and not 5"
• G$ and Me:  "Can't believe our DirecTV isn't working.  What will we do without cable"
• Me coming back from Portland:  "I can't believe my upgrade didn't go thru"
• Me to G$:  "Argh, the steam room is closed"
• Me to N:  "Poop - it's not a real vacation until your cell phones don't work"

I promise I'm not this much of a douchebag.....well, maybe not 100% of one :)

The Book of Face

It seems like every other day I get into a discussion about the pros and cons of facebook.  Usually it's with people who are strongly against it (even if they're members).  The argument, as you can guess, is that it allows people to stalk you and you're faced with learning random facts about random people you don't care about.


I get it.  It's often a total waste of time and brain cells.  More importantly, it can entice bullying and FOMO.*  Plus, those people who use facebook to give people a false impression that their life is perfect...well, they're just lame.


That being said, I have to admit that this one little website is a huge part of my life.** As I pondered R's question about making new friends, I realized that facebook has helped me tons.  Friendships are all about "me too!" moments, right?  Well, when we share the minutiae of our lives with the free world, we will inevitably find someone out there who has the same habit, loves the same restaurant, is stuck in the same airport, whatever.  And it creates a great sense of community.  I'm bad at talking about myself, and I think twice before posting some things that might appear boring to others, but you know what? It rarely hurts.  As I try to build friendships in a new place, those new acquaintances who are in my network are able to learn the tiniest things about me (and vice versa), and we're forced to keep in touch and bond.  It's harder to forget about people when their business is all up in your web browser.


Speaking of keeping in touch, that's an obvious plus.  I hate calling people.  99% of my facebook friends are people I wouldn't call anyway.  So this site does not keep me from human interaction - it allows me to keep in touch with people I would otherwise let float away and to be more updated on the family/friends I do talk to often...and to "meet" people I otherwise would not know...and to feel like I'm right there when old friends have a reunion. :)


*Fear of missing out.  I'm so glad there's finally a term for this condition.
**FYI, I take people off my news feed if they annoy me and never post things I wouldn't want my parents to see.

Making Friends as an Adult

The past few weeks, I've been really wondering the key to making friendships as an adult.  N shared this article that looks at the challenges of making friends after you're 30.  Since then, this article is being shared by many Facebook friends.


My friend pool is quite diverse - filled with friends from different parts of my life.  The friends span people who are very creative and artistic versus scientific, risk takers vs. cautious, married vs singled, have kids vs. none at all, and the list could go on.  Bu the qualities the people who I call friends have in common are:  genuinely good people, kind, loyal, and fun!  I can't think of anyone in this friend pool who I can't laugh with until my sides ache.


I looked at G$'s friends and see the same qualities with the people he holds dear to him.


When I moved out to the Bay Area, I had quite a difficult time making friends and was lucky that G$'s friends accepted me with open arms and soon became my friends.  It's hard to make that adult friend transition.  As kids, you make friends based on who is in your class or is friends with your parents (ahem miss N); then you migrate to college and that's the best time to make friends since you traditionally live 3.5 minutes away from them.  When I graduated, I still had all my college friends so close by and assumed that is how it would always be.  But little did I know, that after college - friendships are hard to come by and take effort.


As I've transitioned into this phase, the ideal friendships are ones the person (if they're single) or couple get along well with both G$ and I.  It's hard to have a close friendship when your spouse can't stand the sight of them or their partner.  And like the article highlights, Facebook makes you feel like everyone in the world has millions of friends and is always having fun times!


Free time is also more a rarity than it used to be.  Scheduling plans with friends who have kids poses a challenge around nap times, ballet schedules, swimming lessons, etc.  And I am a challenge to make plans with during the week since my travel schedule is a bit sporadic and last minute.  Having a few glasses of wine on a work night with girlfriends used to be easy - now I'm tired for a day or two after :)

I'm starting to learn that friends are still important in our lives, but aren't always the key to a social life that satisfies us.  I feel lucky that I do have good friends (spanning my entire life) to count on when I have news to share (whether good or bad), and friends that I don't have to see for years but just pick up where I left off. 


Has it been easy for you to make friends as you get older?  Any secrets?

Dating Musings

Since I have a knack for going on first dates that never turn into second dates, I'm often forced to wonder if I should change my perspectives.  Approximately 50% of these recent encounters were people I wouldn't have minded seeing again but were apparently not interested, and 50% were vice versa.  Did this latter half think the same thing in their heads that I thought about the first half (i.e., "I'm not a bad person, why would he/she not want to hang out with me again?")?*  In the end, do we all have a false, inflated sense of self?


I've definitely let go of judgments that I used to make, but where is the line between being picky and just plain knowing what you want?  As a food lover who isn't too tight with money, I'd prefer to spend time with someone who is willing and able to pay for great experiences and who enjoys a good meal.  Also, as a person who isn't boisterous or uber social, I think I could benefit from someone who is.**  Meanwhile, this person can be short or tall, metro or sporty, bald or with hair, with any career and background.  Is that unreasonable?  


As for the theory that I'm overthinking this and it all just comes down to a "feeling" - well, I know plenty of couples who are happy now but definitely did not have a mutual interest in the beginning.  So I have no idea how long you're supposed to wait for this "feeling" to materialize.

Or maybe, in the end, it's a crapshoot that simply comes down to timing and luck.






*Let's be honest - some of these were "Who does he think he is to dis ME?!"
**Yes, I realize it's highly unlikely that said boisterous and social guy would want to date a girl who isn't.